Fostering Self Esteem in Children [ Blog Post]
"Love me, hate me, but don't ignore me"
Self esteem is about how people feel about themselves - the judgement and opinion of their self.
Self esteem determines the success and failure of every human being and it's importance cannot be overemphasized. As parents we can help develop children's belief in themselves. Each child has the psychological need to be loved and feel worthy - a need that travels through time to adulthood and remains an integral part of his/her existence.
Self esteem is not dependent on family wealth, education, parents occupation, social class or residing in a certain area or locality. Self esteem is intrinsic in an individual and created when a child is born. It comes from the quality of relationships that exists between the child and all those who play a significant role in his/her early life and childhood.
When children grow into adulthood with good self esteem, they are able to work constructively on any problem that they may encounter in their life. They grow up to become innovators and contribute significantly to the society. Low self esteem, on the other hand, acts as a roadblock to personal happiness and growth as it impedes successful social interactions, creativity and self confidence.
Much can be done to foster self esteem in children, and to build a strong foundation without negative qualities of self conceit, false ego and selflessness.
Some suggestions to achieve this is as follows:
- Accept your child's feelings without being judgemental, these feelings are important to a child and need to be acknowledged.
- We need to know what the child feels about various matters. Listen to them by paying attention...listening to their stories, their activities - their triumphs and their failures make them feel loved, cared for, wanted and secure .
- Don't use the term "bad boy" or "bad girl"... rather call it wrong behaviour , wrong conduct wherein the person is not considered "bad " ...... rather the action, the conduct (which can be modified, and changed) is considered wrong. It has rightly been said that "You are not your mistakes: they are what you did, not who you are."
- Children who don't receive the right balance of discipline with clear consistent boundaries, unconditional love and support, grow up with low self esteem. They tend to become overdependent and less in control of their lives and their world.
- Tell your children you love them ... no matter what their age. Warmth towards a child can be expressed not only through spoken words but also through your actions and gestures.
- Make the children your priority in life and let them know that not only by your words but through your actions.
- Be there for them ...this greatly enhances their self esteem and self worth.
- Respect their choices -Decision making skills are fostered by this and helps build self esteem.
- Speak about your child's achievements and good qualities with pride and sincerity.
- Other things include democratic methods of discipline which are based on mutual respect, realistic expectations, encouragement given to develop independent creative thinking and intellectual growth, including respect for those in authority help build self esteem in a child.
Yasmin Contractor
Chairperson, National Education & Empowerment Trust of India
Very useful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the detailed article. It is quite helpful and an important reminder to the young parents who are trying to find the right balance between discipline and attention
ReplyDeleteWell written.
ReplyDeleteInstead of admonishing children for failure at first attempt, teachers and parents must keep a growth mindset.
Give scope for improvement using statements like, we'll find the right way or let's try again or we can do it together.
This does not belittle a child and at the same time gives confidence to achieve if allowed and tried again.
Self esteem comes with a little nudge and there is a face saver too.